Don't make me put this down...

DSC01652.JPG, originally uploaded by Monkey loves Kitten.

Press Release

Ridgecrest, CA:

A coalition of Brandonia (The Fatherland) and Rebeccaslavia (The Motherland) announce the granting of Most Favored Daughter status to Amelia Charlotte. This decision follows Amelia Charlotte's recent move to cease her occupation of The Fatherland and The Motherland's capitol, MasterBedroom City. Amelia Charlotte has declared Nurserytopia as base of operations for periods of eight to nine hours per day. These hours typically occur overnight. The international community applauds this development as it expected to signal a shift toward normalized relations between The Fatherland and The Motherland. Additionally, it is anticipated the general health and well-being of all residents will improve with this sea change in the local environment.

Intervention

Dear AC,

Today you are four months old. You seem to be celebrating. You've decided not to sleep, to babble nonsense seemingly non-stop, and there was that weirdly paranoid episode when the cell phone rang and you burst into tears while looking over your shoulder repeatedly. Time for some truth, are you on drugs? Do I need to check the tiny pockets in your tiny clothes? They're there for a reason, aren't they? Who's your dealer? Is it little Maddy next door? I thought there was a little too much sparkle in her eyes. And she's always got new shoes. Well, at least she's successful. You've gotta admire the ambition, especially for an Air Force kid. Putting all that aside, seriously, what is your deal? You know you can talk to me. Well, not really since your handle on English leaves a little somthing to be desired. Just know we are watching you and your dad is tossing your crib as we speak.

Love,
Mama

How we roll

"Do me a favor and get the pooper scooper and pick up that dead bird. I'm going to mow the lawn when I get back."

"Ewww."

"Fine. If you're gonna grouse about it, I'll pick it up myself."

"I don't think it's a grouse."

"What?"

"I think it's a blackbird."

"I can't believe I walked into that."

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"That's why you wanted to have a baby."

"What?"

"So you could pull your boob out in public."

"Like I need a baby for that."

My secret shame

Cupcakes of Shame, originally uploaded by Monkey loves Kitten.

I've been doing something since December that I'm reluctantly revealing here today. Those of you who've known me for years will recognize that this behavior is not the norm. Okay, here goes, I've been baking holiday-appropriate treats for Brandon to take to work and share. And, if that wasn't bad enough, the goodies have been accompanied by holiday-specific paper napkins. What the hell. I really can't explain it. Also, I plan these things weeks ahead of time and have the ingredients out and the cookbook open days in advance.

So, in the spirit of full disclosure, here's a picture of what went with Brandon to work today. These are yellow cupcakes with buttercream frosting and Easter sprinkles. For St. Patrick's Day I baked Irish soda bread and sent it in with green napkins. On Valentine's Day the featured item was white chocolate chip cookies with red, pink, and white M&Ms. Red napkins did the trick that day. Pre-Christmas was cranberry walnut bread. That was the first incident and I hadn't thought of napkins yet.

What's the next holiday? I need to get to work on my plan and also I need more seasonal hand towels. Oh man, there goes another secret.