Intervention

Dear AC,

Today you are four months old. You seem to be celebrating. You've decided not to sleep, to babble nonsense seemingly non-stop, and there was that weirdly paranoid episode when the cell phone rang and you burst into tears while looking over your shoulder repeatedly. Time for some truth, are you on drugs? Do I need to check the tiny pockets in your tiny clothes? They're there for a reason, aren't they? Who's your dealer? Is it little Maddy next door? I thought there was a little too much sparkle in her eyes. And she's always got new shoes. Well, at least she's successful. You've gotta admire the ambition, especially for an Air Force kid. Putting all that aside, seriously, what is your deal? You know you can talk to me. Well, not really since your handle on English leaves a little somthing to be desired. Just know we are watching you and your dad is tossing your crib as we speak.

Love,
Mama